Last week, while preparing to lead a retreat for a group of wonderful women, I forgot everything I knew. I forgot the main points of the Bible studies I had been teaching for the past two months at my own church.
I forgot how much I enjoy speaking at events. I forgot how warm and welcoming Christian women are. I forgot that this is all God’s thing. Even if I didn’t remember all of my specific points, God did. He would nudge me and the group to the right connections.
This forgetting happens so often, it’s like a routine.
Something sad, upsetting, or stressful sneaks into my life, and I forget everything I knew and trusted. I forget I’ve done hard things in my life, and that I can do them again. I forget it’s not about me, that God is going to do what He’s going to do. And that’s a really good thing.
Why can’t I remember that is the most important thing?
But I don’t.
Every few weeks, I forget everything I knew. Not just before big speaking events, I also forget during normal life. Some days I can just look around our family and wonder, “Who is keeping this train on the rails? There is no way I could be doing it.”
I forget about how God has been by our side through the really hard years of delivering and caring for four infants, through sickness, through moves and scary new situations. I forget all the lessons we’ve learned from all that.
I forget the books I’ve written, the lives I’ve touched, that in every single one of these situations, I’ve had a moment when I felt God, right there with me.
I forget He is not going anywhere.
I forget about my supportive husband, my loving kids, my wonderful friends. When I’m forgetting, they are all so distant. Blurry. Dark.
But then, graciously, I start to remember. God comes back into focus, so does my confidence, and my family, and my friends. Those forgetting moments pass, and I’m remembering everything again.
I remember who I am, what I can do, and right where God is.
Then I remember everything for lots of days in a row. And life is wonderful.
Until, of course, it’s time to forget again.
